When Josh found out I was bringing over Grizzly Rage he was very upset to find out it was a shitty movie and not a gift for him to add to his personal collection.
No Grizzly Rage is not a film about a gay man rising up against the system so he can fight his oppression in the form of dance…..no this is a film about what happens when you fuck with mother nature and her soldiers of evil.
This flick seemed to be in the early years of what Sci-Fi and before they started making bad movies on purpose. This is real gold because they were really trying to do something here.
Our story starts when some high school students decide to take a weekend trip for some camping to get away from the harsh rat race of Canada. A few things they should have made note of that was going to cause problems. For starters they are Canadian and everyone knows that….well they are Canadian. Second, the guys on the trip are mostly douche bags and there is only one girl on the trip so the amount of douche to girl ratio is out of control and thus trouble can only come from it. Third, well you should never hit the children of animals especially bears and bears that are exposed to toxic waste, Canadian toxic waste. So when I bought this on Amazon it claims that the reason for the bear being crazy bitch was because it was exposed to toxic waste and thus Grizzly Rage but turns out that no, if you fuck with bears then you fucked up. For me this was just fine because any chance to see a douche bag go up against bears will always be a win!!
So once they hit the road it doesn’t take long for the douche bag guy to make one huge mistake, hitting a baby bear and killing it. This causes them to cause major damage to the truck and they are dead in the water. With a radiator and holding on to dear life the gang seems to be pretty much screwed as now have a bear, toxic danger around them, the issues with being a young person growing up in Canada but most of all their hopes and dreams of winning a Stanley Cup possibly taken from them.
So this is the part where the movie just goes on with montages and various points that have you asking “why don’t they just sit in the truck with the windows closed and wait it out”. They actually got good distance as the vehicle was still working but who’s looking at the fine details. At this point much like Remo Williams…our adventure begins.
What makes Grizzly Rage is how easy it is to riff on this movie. As I’ve said many times I watch these flicks to find those that work well for having your b-movie night hangouts. With a series of “we are gonna make it” montages, a bear that apparently has the speed of Jason Voorhees with the strength of Brock Lesnar this makes our movie a real winner in my books.
The end is pretty awesome when it comes to “what the bullshit just happened” so enjoy as I give it 4 out of 5 tuxedo footballs
Spirit Camp is the attempt to cross breed Friday the 13th and Bring it On according to the cover. It was an attempt for sure but sadly falls a little short but still a fun flick for those who enjoy campy movies that you would see at Texas Frightmare Weekend then you’ll enjoy it. If you order from the main site you can get a free pair of autographed panties which I got with my copy.
This is a classic camp horror movie of girls at a cheerleader camp and there is a killer. That about sums it up if you are a fan of those movies. So it will have girls in small outfits, boobies and blood. Spirit Camp was made by Kerry Beyer from Houston and I support local film makers of the area since I’d love to be an extra in a b-movie some day
Spirit Camp starts with some boobs and blood right from the start and the babes make their appearance in the first 10 minutes. From there it is the hardcore instructor who makes life hell for the girls. The goth girl shows up because I think that she is forced there by the man? She has a hard time getting along with the popular cheerleader but together with their power of cheer and boobs they are able to escape the killer of the camp.
I’m sure there is a drinking game in this but I was hoping for some more gore and a little more campy dialog that I think would have pushed it over the top. Spirit Camp stars Roxy Vandiver and Julin. I got to meet some of the cast at Frightmare Weekend this past year and they were nice folks so I support those who allow me to have something to write about.
Pick up Spirit Camp as I give it 3 out of 5 tuxedo footballs but if you come up with a drinking game for this one let me know!!
It’s dark, deep and men look to conquer it…..The Cave….but seriously.
The Cave is much like all the movies of this style (The Descent) in which people go down a hole and turns out there is bad shit down there. I’m still waiting for the feel good movie of the year about people go into a cave and find good things. Last time we had that was Goonies.
The Cave
I wish I could say that this movie falls into the normal b-horror flicks but honestly it doesn’t as this does have a fair amount of production value to it and has a fair amount of mid-level star power. The Cave could be considered the Ocean’s Eleven of b-level actors with names like: Cole Hauser from 2 Fast 2 Furious, Morris Chestnut from V (the television series), Lena Headey from Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles, Piper Perabo from Coyote Ugly and Daniel Dae Kim from LOST…..wow the pure firepower………….alright
So yeah the movie is about a secret in the cave that everyone wants. The best crack team of cave hunters (not sure what you’d call them) is called to do the work that no one wants to attempt to do….except for the people who put the secret there to begin with. So yeah I wish I could riff on this more but really the one thing that saved this for the gang that was watching it was the reference of “The Cave” to “Lady Parts”. Yeah it’s immature but seriously folks if you are still following this blog…..come on.
If you want to play the game then go to about the 17:00 mark and make references to “The Cave” = “Mommy Hole”…..so give it a try remember your score cards:
Head Cave Hunter: Now we will be under for 12 days…
Head Cave Hunter:(with beer in hand) …We are going to go deep on this one
Second in command Cave Hunter: Now remember folks this Cave is a serious piece of work, it’s already taken one life. Respect it
I think you guys get the idea of what kind of drinking game you can have here. As for the movie it goes on and it is what it is. The get trapped and it’s hard to get out and then some kind of creature is down there and if you get bit or infected by it you start to turn into one thus The Cave whips you into something that can never leave because once in the cave you are not the same. But seriously the movie has a guy turn into a cave thing and that helps them win the boss fight at the end.
So again make this a fun drinking game but not sure if you’d want this in the line up for a movie night unless your group is a tight gang that can riff really well with each other or you will just be watching one of those Saturday afternoon movies on the local WB network. The Cave gets a 2 out of 5 tuxedo footballs but can get an extra football if you can riff with the best
So posts have been so far in between as I feared they would be at we are reaching close to a year of YATMA. I knew that work would get in the way of doing this but since this is really a hobby I guess you could say it was expected. I hope that anyone who had been following along has found some useful info. This next year I will be getting married and shipping another video game this year which will be on the Xbox Kinect and living life but that doesn’t mean I will watch any fewer B-movies
So this has been in the vault for a little while and was not sure when we would watch it. It almost seemed too good to be true!! Zombies + Strippers = Golden Showers…..err wait. It took a little convincing but get the group in on this but there was some fun to be had. Now fun depends on how much drinks are too be had for the night. This was not exactly the movie I was hoping for sadly.
It appears that this was one of the “we can cash in on big names here” type of b-movie and sometimes you have to be careful about those because for those of us who really enjoy the art of the b-flick we are not fooled by those who play with our emotions!! Now with that being said there are some good fun moments here because the effects and dialog are cheap and help sell the set that appears to be lit by two lights. I guess if you are big into Porno or the world of Jenna Jameson you will really enjoy this but since I’m not a fan of Jenna, she is just another actress to me in this flick. Robert Englund is in classic cheese and does make the movie fun but he is not one of the main stars and not in the movie all that much.
It is the tale of classic science gone wrong as our government tries to make zombies, all goes wrong and of course the disease spreads to the near by gentleman’s club. (yes the one near the government science facility) Not sure exactly how zombies work in this movie but these zombies start to turn into zombies but are able to still do their job as strippers first then bring men into their trap which is to eat them…..yeah don’t ask don’t tell type of situation folks. There were some funny moments with the Mexican janitor and some of the strippers including a use of a ping pong ball….yeah…. Overall it wasn’t the a great bad movie because at times they tried too hard when they should have just let them do what they do best in porns…..ad lib great dialog and sucking.
I think if your movie night is mostly guys. I’m not saying this because stripping is demeaning to women, it’s because they focus on Jenna Jameson and her boobs which if that is what you are looking for then just go to the internet which has her around every corner. If you are going to have a good amount of adult beverages then you can use Zombie Strippers and a warm up for a main event movie but I could not consider it a main event flick.
Zombie Strippers gets a 3 out of 5 tuxedo footballs
You know when you say “I’m going to work out at the gym everyday” and you do it for like two weeks in a row but then it fades out and you hardly go again…..well I’ve made a second Podcast for a second weekend in a row. Let’s how long this will go on!!
This time around I discuss an upcoming shitty movie night and my picks and things to think about when you are trying to host a shitty movie night. I’m no expert but neither was Jesus and look where that got him.
It is very rare in a lifetime you will see something so glorious with your eyes. For some it is Halley’s Comet flying across the sky. Maybe it is seeing Walter Payton playing for the Chicago Bears or Jimi Hendrix live at Woodstock. For me I thought it was allowing my eyes and ears gaze upon The Room and I was sure that there would be nothing again in my lifetime to rival that……until today.
Today my friends I’ve some across something that is like for some seeing the trailer of the original Star Wars. What makes a great shitty movie? When you are trying to make something so serious that it is so bad that you just don’t know it. Much like a M. Night Shyamalan movie, this could possibly be the greatest shitty movie of all time.
Boys and girls…I give you
Who Killed Captain Alex….maybe the greatest action movie of all time
Oh well shit here we go. I have had audio equipment that i used with the Hijinks Ensue Podcast and that I use for recording music from time to time that I needed to set up. It took finding some power supplies and such but it is up and running now so what is the first thing I do to test it? The YATMA (You Are Tearing Me Apart) podcast is what I do to test it of course.
This is the first episode and really I just explain what the hell I am doing with this blog and where the name You Are Tearing Me Apart come from.
It is all new and I am not use to doing this on my own so let’s see if it is as good as anything coming out of SyFy right now but leave comments and let me know what you think.
At Texas Frightmare Weekend (April 30-May 2 2010) this year I scored a nice stash of dvds to put into the collection. This is yet another great reason to check out Texas Frightmare Weekend. From zombies to vampires and a little sprinkle of Ninja, you can’t go wrong at the con.
Here is a little preview of waht is coming down the line
Obviously I’m a fan of 80′s horror if you have not figured that out by now. Everyone talks about the fashion styles, music and of course the Cold War but since I was a kid growing up in the 80′s what I remember are the great horror movies that influenced me so much. I’m in a creative field for my day job so watching all this cheesy stuff growing up was great.
This time around we will talk about a movie that is super influenced by that period so much so you’d think that the movie was filmed in the 80′s. Let’s talk The Convent
I found out about this movie from my Art Director and one of my Sr. Artists at work so I had to check it out. The movie starts out with a bang as a hardcore chick enters a church and kicks some ass right from the start which is explained later. You can tell right away you are in for a good time with the low end graphics and camera angles.
The opening shot takes place in 1960 so from there we flash forward to modern day with the classic story of kids doing “the POT” and drinking adult beverages with some pre-martial sex!! What is this world coming to!! It’s a classic story of college kids trying to do all these illegal acts of the law at the local hang out which is The Convent. On the way to the convent they pass a house which is “the local crazy lady” who is the town legend of…..well being crazy I guess. She is the lady who shut down the convent for her acts of terror (she is the lady in the opening sequence but I don’t want to spoil it for you).
And that boys and girls is about it. The rest is classic 80′s…turns out the place is haunted, people are trying to concur evil spirits with virgin sacrifice, having sex before marriage is bad and leads to death by gore and just about anything else you can think of.
The group is stuck in the convent and is trying to get help before evil spirits escape and kill everyone. I will say the movie starts a little slow but really picks up speed about 1/4 way through and it is fun gore and fun. The dialog is so spot on for a movie like this. Some real winners are “You know Karate? ‘Cuz that ass is kickin’!” and a personal favorite of mine “I’m gonna lock your ass up so tight they’re gonna need a combination to visit your nuts….white boy” which is delivered by none other than Coolio!!
Once the flood gates open the fun really kicks in and I have not even talked about the best part of all this….Adrienne fucking Barbeau. If you grew up watching Swamp Thing or Creepshow then you are familiar with her work. She is the final part of the equation to make the feel of an 80′s movie. She comes in and wraps up this flick with some shotgun justice!!
This is a really really fun movie and if you are having a movie watching night I would recommend this as a warm up to your main event. There are great moments and dialog that will have you throwing your hands up with laughter. The Convent gets 4 out of 5 tuxedo footballs
So as a few of you might know I am in the comic strip Hijinks Ensue and although we have not done it in a long time, I also do the Hijinks Ensue Podcast with creator Joel Watson.
In Episode 10 of the Podcast we talk about various things but the one topic that was brought up was the movie Undefeatable. This is entry is about the history of that movie.
So when we were going to get together for the Podcast I thought of an idea and what was really a social experiment. The idea was to take one of my shitty movies and send it to a listener but after watching the movie it would need to be sent to the next person on the list. I wanted to see how far this would travel and if it would make it back. Honestly I did not expect the movies back. The movies were some of the first watched as a collective group that watched bad movies on a regular basis. Part of the catch was that the movie was a VHS tape. I wanted to add to the experiment by seeing who would still have a VCR player to even watch this. Well the list was created and the video was sent out. Star Date: May 2008
Let’s talk a little bit about the movies shall we. I won’t do a full review because it was about two years ago when I saw them. The first one is Undefeatable which has what some call “worst fight scene ever filmed” which I would say “most AWESOME fight scene ever” but that’s just me. The movie is an 80′s style action movie starring Cynthia Rothrock which was made in 1994. Basically she’s a bad ass and some bad dude mess with her family and she kicks their asses in their ass. I would post the video of the fight at the ending but honestly if you want to really enjoy the flick for a movie night save it until then. It will be worth the wait!! Robo Vampire was the other movie sent out. Again I won’t do a review this time around just because this was also about two years ago when we last saw it. Just have a look at the cover…doesn’t that tell you enough? Now sadly RoboCop is not in the movie and neither is that sweet gun he is holding. It was a fun flick because when you see how NOT close to looking like RoboCop they came you will laugh to tears. You will also see the zombies of the East and their stranger belief of how they look. Zombies that bunny hop…..that’s all you need to know.
So those movies went out about May of 2008.
So let’s turn our clock to present day. After being out at sea for a little over two years the movies have returned home to the mothership. The movies came back with some gifts as the last person felt bad for taking a little longer than expected to ship the movies out. We got the movies back with another movie that was added. There was also a few potato chips native to the Kansas City area some native to the Idaho area and a box full of fortune cookies!! We have decided to give the cookies out at every movie night until the box is done. It was a fun experiment and although it only went out to 3 other people, it’s good to have it back home. Who knows….maybe we’ll try it again on this site if there is a request for it
I hope everyone is enjoying my blog entries and they are useful for getting friends together to have a laugh. I do this because it reminds me of being at my uncle’s house watching these types of movies. Just remember that when you walk into a video store probably 80% of the store is crap so have some fun with it!!
